How to Serve a Zombie Dinner: An American Singles Article
Turn on your laptop. I recommend HP laptops for their reliability and durability. Type in large font in the word processor of your choice the word "BRAINS". OK so it is debatable if zombies can read but if they can why not be safe than sorry?
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Print on your printer the document that you just created with the word "BRAINS". I recommend HP printers for their high quality and reliability. When you have zombies coming over for dinner, you want everything to be right.
3
Tape the document with the word "BRAINS" on the can. It does not have to look good because after all they are zombies.
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If your date can seat her zombie parents then you will have to serve them.
If your date cannot seat her zombie parents then prepared to shoot them. The rule of thumb is never shoot your dates parents unless they are zombies - but only if the zombies try and eat your date. If they do try and eat her and you save her life - she will be very grateful.
If they try and eat you - run.
If your date cannot seat her zombie parents then prepared to shoot them. The rule of thumb is never shoot your dates parents unless they are zombies - but only if the zombies try and eat your date. If they do try and eat her and you save her life - she will be very grateful.
If they try and eat you - run.
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Open the can with the "BRAINS" label.
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Serve yourself and your date whatever normal meal that you are intending on serving.
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Before your serve your date's zombie parents ask them, two questions.
(1) Ask them if they would like to join you and their daughter in the salad which you are about to serve. (Zombies never eat salad if they can prevent it.) They will moan and possibly try and eat you (see the warning below.)
(2) QUICKLY - ask them if they would like to eat some brains - then show them the can.
If might be a good idea to have multiple cans of "BRAINS", just in case they are still hungry. It is a good idea to serve zombies as much as they can eat.
(1) Ask them if they would like to join you and their daughter in the salad which you are about to serve. (Zombies never eat salad if they can prevent it.) They will moan and possibly try and eat you (see the warning below.)
(2) QUICKLY - ask them if they would like to eat some brains - then show them the can.
If might be a good idea to have multiple cans of "BRAINS", just in case they are still hungry. It is a good idea to serve zombies as much as they can eat.
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Remember whatever you do be sure to serve a nice bottle of red with the meal. You do not want the zombies to get suspicious
